The quiet ache of never feeling enough
You do everything you can to be a good person – a good mum, partner, friend, colleague.
You give, and give, and give. From the outside looking in, people might think you have it all together.
But inside? There’s that familiar voice whispering:
“You’re not doing enough”
“You should be coping better”
“If you were truly good enough, you wouldn’t feel like this”
That voice can be relentless. It’s what keeps you trying so hard, perfecting, comparing – and yet, no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough.
If this feels painfully familiar, please know: you’re not alone, and there’s a reason it feels this way.
Where the ‘not good enough’ story begins
The belief that you’re not enough doesn’t appear out of nowhere – it’s learned. It often starts in childhood, when love or approval felt conditional: be good, be quiet, be helpful, be perfect.
Maybe you were praised for achievement, not for simply being you. Maybe you learned to keep the peace by people-pleasing or hiding your true feelings. Or perhaps you experienced criticism, comparison, or emotional neglect that made you question your worth.
These early experiences can shape the way you see yourself, and even as an adult, that inner critic keeps repeating those old messages.
How it shows up now
That deep-rooted sense of “not enough” can show up in subtle, everyday ways:
- Overthinking every decision, worried you’ll make a mistake
- Comparing yourself to others and always coming up short
- Feeling guilty when you rest or put yourself first
- Needing reassurance that you’re doing okay
- Focusing on your perceived failures, unable to move on from them
- Struggling to celebrate your achievements,
You might even dismiss your own struggles because “other people have it worse,” but pain isn’t a competition, and your feelings deserve care too.
Three gentle ways to begin shifting this belief
Healing from feeling “not enough” takes time, but every small act of self-awareness counts.
Here are some gentle steps to start with:
- Notice your inner critic – and get curious.
Instead of fighting it, try to understand it. Often, that critical voice is trying to protect you – from rejection, from failure, from shame. You can begin to thank it for trying to help, and gently remind it you’re safe now. - Practise self-compassion instead of self-improvement.
You don’t need to earn worth through doing more. Try asking: “What would I say to someone I love who felt like this?” – then see if you can offer that same kindness to yourself. - Connect with the parts of you that already feel whole.
Your worth isn’t something to build – it’s something to remember. Therapy, journaling, mindfulness, or yoga can all help you reconnect with the grounded, wise part of you that’s been there all along.
Therapy can help you rewrite the story
In therapy, you have space to untangle the roots of those “not enough” feelings – and to begin experiencing yourself differently. It’s not about convincing yourself that you’re perfect, it’s about realising you don’t have to be. Through gentle exploration, you can learn to meet your inner critic with compassion, to understand where your beliefs came from, and to build a quieter, kinder inner world.
If you’re tired of constantly striving, and ready to begin feeling at peace with yourself, I’d love to support you on that journey.
💬 Book a free 15-minute consultation here or email me at help@lucyreynolds.uk
