You’ve done the work. You’ve opened up, faced hard truths, maybe even started to feel lighter.
And then – out of nowhere – something happens. You’re anxious again. You feel triggered. You find yourself back in old patterns you thought you’d outgrown.
And the first thought that hits?
“I’m back to square one.”
But you’re not.
The Myth: Healing should be a straight line
We’re surrounded by neat before-and-after stories:
“They went to therapy and now they’re thriving.”
“They left the relationship and never looked back.”
“They found self-love and everything fell into place.”
It’s comforting to believe in that kind of tidy transformation – but (unfortunately) it’s not how healing really works.
The uncomfortable truth is that recovery from trauma, anxiety, or low self-worth, is rarely linear. It’s not a staircase; it’s a spiral. You come back to old wounds with new awareness. You revisit familiar emotions from a different level of consciousness.
That’s not failure – it’s integration, and it’s part of the process.
The Reality: Growth happens in cycles
Healing isn’t about reaching some perfect, pain-free version of yourself. It’s about expanding your capacity to meet whatever arises – the joy, the grief, the tenderness, the fear – without losing your centre. There will be days when the work feels effortless, and others when you wonder if any of it made a difference. But underneath it all, subtle shifts are happening:
- You pause before reacting.
- You recognise patterns sooner.
- You soothe yourself more kindly.
- You reach out for support instead of shutting down.
These are all signs of healing – even when (perhaps especially when!) they’re surrounded by chaos.
When the Spiral Feels Discouraging
It’s easy to mistake revisiting pain for regression. But every time you circle back, you bring something new with you: more understanding, more compassion, more strength.
Think of it like walking a familiar path with clearer eyes. You notice things you couldn’t before. You meet yourself with a little less judgment. You find new ways through.
What Healing Really Means
Healing isn’t a finish line. It’s a relationship with yourself that you keep tending. It asks for patience, curiosity, and grace. It asks you to stay with yourself when things get messy, rather than abandoning yourself when they do.
If This Resonates…
If you’ve been hard on yourself for not “healing fast enough,” please know that you’re not behind. You’re human.
Therapy isn’t about reaching an endpoint; it’s about creating safety and compassion so that whatever arises next, you can meet it with steadiness.
You’re allowed to move at your own rhythm. Healing takes the time it takes – and that’s okay.
If you missed the first in my “Myths About Healing (and What I Believe Instead)” series, you can read it here You Don’t Have to Forgive in order to Heal and if you’d like to get in touch to see how we could walk together on your healing journey, you can get in touch here.
