The hidden loneliness of disconnection
There comes a moment when you realise you don’t really recognise yourself anymore.
Maybe you’ve become so used to caring for everyone else that you can’t remember the last time you asked what you need. Maybe your days feel like you’re just going through the motions – functioning, but not feeling. Or maybe you look back and wonder when the confident, creative, curious (fun!) version of you began to fade.
You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’ve just lost touch with parts of yourself that have become buried under everything else life asked you to be.
How we lose ourselves
Losing yourself doesn’t usually happen all at once, it’s a gradual drift – often so subtle you don’t even notice it happening.
It can look like:
- Basing your decisions on what others expect, rather than what you truly want
- Dismissing your feelings because “other people have it worse”
- Over-adapting, people-pleasing, or striving for perfection to feel worthy
- Silencing your needs because it feels safer that way
Often, this pattern begins early, when being “good,” helpful, or agreeable felt like the only way to be loved or accepted. Over time, those protective patterns become who you think you are.
But deep down, you can sense something missing.
That’s your authentic self, quietly asking to be found again.
The signs you’re ready to reconnect
You might be ready to begin finding yourself again if you notice:
- A sense of restlessness or emptiness, even when life looks “fine”
- A pull towards something deeper – purpose, meaning, peace
- A growing awareness that how you’ve been living no longer fits
It’s not about reinventing yourself, it’s about remembering yourself – peeling back the layers that never truly belonged to you.
How to begin finding yourself again
Reconnection is gentle work. It doesn’t happen through force or self-criticism, but through compassion, patience, and curiosity. Here are some ways to begin:
- Create space to listen inward.
That might mean journaling, therapy, yoga, or simply quiet time. When life is noisy, your inner voice gets drowned out. - Notice what feels like “you.”
What activities, people, or places make you feel most alive or at peace? Those moments hold clues to who you are beneath the roles. - Acknowledge what’s no longer working.
It’s okay to outgrow versions of yourself that were built for survival. Gratitude for what helped you cope, and compassion as you learn to live differently, can coexist.
Therapy as a space to remember who you are
In therapy, you can begin to explore your story with gentle curiosity – without judgement or pressure to be anyone else.
Together, we look at how you came to lose touch with parts of yourself, and how to begin reclaiming them. It’s not about fixing you – it’s about helping you meet yourself again.
Through this process, many women I work with begin to feel more grounded, confident, and connected, not because they’ve become someone new, but because they’ve finally come home to themselves.
If you’re ready to begin finding your way back, I’d love to walk alongside you. Book a free 15-minute consultation here or email me at help@lucyreynolds.uk
Online across the UK or in-person in Ramsbottom, Lancashire.
