On the surface, things look… fine.
You get up. You go to work. You reply to messages. You keep things moving. From the outside, you seem capable, grounded, coping.
And yet inside there’s a sense of distance. A kind of flatness. A dull ache you can’t quite put your finger on.
If you’re feeling seen, let me reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you- and you are not imagining it.
When you’re functioning, but not really there
Disconnection doesn’t always look dramatic. It often shows up quietly, especially in women who are used to holding things together.
It might feel like:
- Moving through life on autopilot
- Feeling emotionally muted or foggy
- Struggling to feel joy, but not feeling particularly sad either
- Being disconnected from your body – not noticing hunger or tiredness
- Wondering *’is this it?’ *but without really knowing what you’d change
It often feels confusing, because you are coping. So why doesn’t it feel better than this?
Why this happens so often to high‑functioning women
Experiencing this kind of disconnection isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of adaptation.
If you grew up in an environment where:
- Your needs weren’t consistently noticed or met
- You learned to be emotionally self‑sufficient early
- Love or safety felt conditional on being easy, capable, or low‑maintenance
Essentially, your nervous system learned that isn’t safe to fully feel. It is safe to cope.
Over time, people‑pleasing, perfectionism, and self‑minimising become ways of staying connected to others — at the cost of staying connected to yourself.
Disconnection, in this sense, is protective.
The nervous system bit (and why awareness doesn’t fix this)
When your nervous system has spent years prioritising safety, it often remains in a state of increased vigilance.
You might not feel panicked or overwhelmed, but your system prioritises getting through, and everything else goes on the back burner.
This is why:
- Rest doesn’t always feel restorative
- Holidays don’t magically reconnect you
- Insight alone doesn’t bring relief
Your body learned that staying slightly shut down was safer than being fully engaged. It’s doing its job.
The grief underneath the disconnection
Often, beneath numbness or distance, there is grief.
Not an obvious grief, but a quiet mourning for:
- The parts of you that never had space
- The needs you learned not to have
- The self you might have been if it had felt safe to exist fully
This grief is rarely recognised, especially when you’ve been praised for coping, but it matters.
What reconnection actually requires (and what it doesn’t)
Reconnection doesn’t come from pushing yourself harder. And it doesn’t require a dramatic breakdown or a big life overhaul.
It doesn’t come from:
- Forcing positivity
- Analysing yourself endlessly
- Forcing yourself to become a “better” version of you
It does come from:
- Safety
- Slowing down
- Being met rather than managed
- Learning to listen to your body again
- Relational spaces where you don’t have to perform
This is a gradual, nervous‑system‑led process. Not a mindset shift.
How therapy can support reconnection
Therapy, when it’s relational and body‑aware, isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about creating a space where:
- Coping isn’t required
- Your system can soften
- Your inner world can emerge at its own pace
- You can begin to feel with someone, not alone
Reconnection often begins quietly, with small moments of self‑trust, with noticing, and with being gently accompanied back to yourself.
If you look like you’re coping but feel disconnected inside, there’s a reason.
Your system adapted to keep you safe, but it can learn – slowly and steadily -that it’s safe to come home again.
You don’t have to rush this. And you don’t have to do it alone. You can book a free introductory call with me here to begin your journey back to you.
